I know I have mentioned this in previous posts and it is no secret but… infertility SUCKS! However, there are some aspects of this journey, which I am thank-full for:
1. It has brought me and my partner even closer than ever before.
We have always been close as a couple, some would even say inseparable at times, however this journey has connected us in ways I never imagined. I truly believe we have learned and discovered things about each other, which we would’ve otherwise never known, had we not been faced with infertility. I always knew deep down that we are soul mates who are committed to each other, however this journey so far has shown me how truly committed we are. Considering my partner didn’t particularly want kids a few years ago… He constantly supports and encourages me, through all the tears, pain, appointments, surgeries and is even doing everything he can to help me save a decent pot of gold either for treatment or for our future baby. I know for certain that he is in this relationship and our future for the long haul, which is an incredible thing in itself… my mum or anyone who has ever lived with me will understand what I mean by that! lol
Being strong and committed as a couple, will stand us in good stead for parenting and all the challenges involved. Also, given what we have already been through, I don’t think there is much we couldn’t cope with together as a couple and as individuals. Even though this journey has tested us at times, it hasn’t broken us and we haven’t given up, it has made us stronger.
2. I know who my real friends are; and how lucky I am to have so many!
I am so glad I decided to be honest and open about our infertility journey with friends and family, because the support has been encouraging on the dark days. Even though at times, some people have said the wrong things and left me in tears… I have had many more people who have said the right things or just listened. Which is another reason why it has been important to be open and honest about it. It has enabled me to form some very close relationships with my friends and what makes it even more special, is that they too are part of our journey. So much so, that when the times comes, they will be considered as part of our family for us and our child. After all many of them have hoped and prayed with us and will celebrate just as much when the time comes, which makes me feel incredibly lucky.
3. I have learned a lot about my body and how important it is to respect it.
I have become healthier and more aware of my body because of this journey. I pay attention to every twinge/ache and I no longer abuse my body in any way (well except for the occasional glass of wine and piece of chocolate, who am I kidding? lol).
It’s so easy to take your health for granted sometimes, I certainly used to! I know (and believe) more than most people do, about the damaging effect things such as; chemicals, alcohol, drugs, plastics, pesticides, caffeine and sugar can have, not only on our environment but also our bodies, our health and the health of our unborn and yet to be conceived baby. Before this journey, I knew it was important to be healthy during pregnancy but what I didn’t realize was… how truly important it is for you and your baby’s health, to be as healthy and fit as possible months before conception.
Having done an obscene amount of research on this, the most crucial aspects of a baby’s genetics and general health are determined by egg and sperm health, long before conception. Not to mention that the healthier and stronger mother and father are before conception, the less chance there is of having side-effects and complications during pregnancy, birth and post-partum. I have also had the time to strengthen all major muscles in my body, including my core and pelvic floor. Which has helped me with recovery after surgery and I know will help me during pregnancy, birth and recovery when I do eventually become pregnant. For example, I won’t need to learn pelvic floor exercises from my midwife when I’m pregnant, because I already know how to do them correctly and do so regularly, which means I should have less chance of having issues with my pelvic floor during/after birth,
4. It has given us more time to do certain things before we become ‘responsible’ parents.
I’ve never been a materialist person at all, however I did always want to raise a family under my own roof (which I paid for). We managed to buy a house and pay of some of our mortgage already. This means we will be paying a lower amount in mortgage each week (than we did when we were renting) as well as paying off our own investment (instead of someone else’s). It will also make things a little less tight financially when we are down to one wage, because one of us will be off work raising our child. We have had time to do some DIY and improvements on the house, which would’ve been hard to achieve (physically and financially) with one of us working full time and the other looking after a baby. We have also been on numerous holiday’s, trips and weekends away. Basically, just making the most of how long we’ve got left, of our child-free life, before things get real! lol
5. This is probably the most important… I already know exactly how much our future baby is wanted, loved and appreciated.
Now I’m not saying that couples who haven’t been through infertility and got pregnant easily, didn’t want/love their baby as much as those who have struggled with infertility. I know that most parents do love their child with all their hearts, regardless of how they were conceived or how long it took, whether it was ‘an accident’ or planned. What I’m saying is, we have literally… prayed, wished, cried, grieved, dreamed, begged, bargained and hoped for a baby and the chance to become parents, for years now. Not to mention all the medical things and pain I have so far, and will continue to, endure… just to create our baby. Literally, the thought of how much I already love my (future) child and what I am prepared to do for them, brings tears of love to my eyes!
Whilst I am very hopeful and believe it will happen for us eventually, there have been times when we have considered the possibility, that we may never get the chance to experience the joys (and not so joyful moments) of pregnancy and parenting. So even though I don’t believe I will ever complain about my pregnancy, birth or raising my child… and I have been told by many people that I will complain at some stage. I’m pretty certain I won’t take it for grated as much as I might’ve done if I had gotten pregnant easily. Maybe I will or maybe I won’t complain sometimes… I won’t truly know the answer to that, until I experience pregnancy, birth and raising my own baby. The only thing I know right now, is what is in my heart, which is how much I want this.
Even though I sometimes wish I could’ve just had sex and got pregnant easily like most people, so I could avoid all the pain and heartache of infertility… We are incredibly lucky to already know how much we love, want and appreciate our child now, before he or she has even been conceived.
I can’t wait to tell my future child the story of how much (and how long) we (and all our close friends and family) loved and wished for them and celebrated them, when they come into our life. There are not many parents who are lucky enough to be able to tell their children that!